Bucket
In favor of moments of magic
When I drive, I think. Since I’ve been driving a lot, that means lots of thinking. The other day, enroute from Santa Fe to Scottsdale [mostly kind of desolate, but that last 100 miles was pretty great, with both Culver’s and saguaro cactus] I thought about bucket lists.
According to Reddit the term bucket list came from the 2007 movie. Also according to Reddit, it was around long before that. I don’t remember having a bucket list before 2007, but I also haven’t had one after 2007, so that doesn’t really help. I’ve been insanely blessed in my life - I’ve done, eaten, been to, and lived so many bucket list items. When I lived in NYC I sometimes passed through Times Square on my way somewhere. Generally one complains about Times Square and tourists - I didn’t. My walk home was millions of people’s bucket list moment - there are scores of people for whom a Magnolia Bakery banana pudding or a ride on the Staten Island Ferry or the locations from You’ve Got Mail are a once in a lifetime experience - I called that Tuesday.
I am not a particularly patient person. [Yes, I hear your laughs from here, OK, I’m not patient at all.]. I don’t plan things years out - people need to stop asking that 5 year plan in interviews. I generally do the things I want to do right away - again, a huge blessing that is not lost on me. This makes bucket list building very hard for me, as is it inherently future in nature. My Poddy [Covid bestie] is VERY good at future planning - she even has this thing called a Big Ass Calendar [google at your own risk - they are very good at digital marketing and you’ll never hear the end of them] which I first scorned. OK, sure, partially I envy that she has people visiting her so much that she has to calendar them, but then I remember I could actually invite people to visit and I don’t. When I moved to NYC my rule was that if you hadn’t visited me in Pullman you weren’t allowed to visit me in NYC, making the eligibility list for all of two people. As usual, I digress.
I’ve asked a bunch of folks and so far no one I know has a bucket list. Is this not actually a thing? Is it just something we say when we do a cool thing, like hiking Machu Picchu? One of my friends golfed at St. Andrews. My cousin lives in Alaska, so that crosses off a lot of lists. [animals, glaciers, lights, etc] I’ve been to all 50 states, though that wasn’t to complete a list.
OK, two people finally came through with bucket lists. One of them wants to live within walking distance to a beach, which seems totally reasonable to me. And another sent me this list, which is pretty great. I really enjoy that LOTR made the list, since that seems like a rainy weekend accomplishment. Also please note all the things my cousin Jenifer could provide. [maybe the movies too, I’m not sure]
I’m writing now from the Hotel Valley Ho in Scottsdale. I’ve wanted to come to this hotel for probably 8 years after seeing posts about Tiki Oasis. It is a restored 1956 mid century wonder with some of the nicest staff ever and a shop that sells dog hats.
I think I’ve been going about bucket list wrong, maybe all of us have. It doesn’t have to be the huge expensive Epic Experiences, though those are amazing. Maybe it’s in those perfect moments that Dave Evans talks about a lot in How to Live a Meaningful Life - the scandal of particularity. Apparently comes up in a lot of religions but in terms of designers, it means while we can imagine the ultimate, the perfect, the platonic ideal of things, those are always beyond our reach. The scandal part is that we can only experience the ultimate in the small, particular moments. I’ll never know perfect peace, but the lily pool in Lincoln Park has gotten me damn close. Maybe the scandal of bucket lists is that we are looking for the wrong thing. Maybe it’s not the Northern Lights but it is the feeling of awe, that we are witness to something much much bigger than we are.
I’ve always wanted to order a drink at a swim up pool bar. I give you the Ho J, a creamsicle-esque bit of heaven. This morning my friend sent me iced tea and an açai bowl to my hotel room - breakfast on the patio while Ted naps - a dream I didn’t even know I had! I love hospitality, particularly witty hospitality that isn’t subservient but rather is delightful and shows you’re listening. The deep dish pizza in the Bear, for example. The fact that Poddy always has my favorite drink in the fridge [even when I switch back and forth from Coke to Diet].
How are these moments bucket worthy? All due credit to the Michelin stars, but much like the soon-to-be-fingerless man and his wife in The Menu, I can’t remember most of what I’ve eaten, with the huge exception of Restaurant Gaa, still the best meal of my life. This cocktail makes me feel summer and sexy and free and young. If that isn’t bucket worthy, I don’t know what is.
It can be emotionally hard to float around the country, as spoiled as that may sound. This morning my friend Kristin made me feel seen, connected, and loved. It was perhaps a moment for her [and some money] but for me, it was both a reminder that I am not alone. A moment of magic, bucket list worthy.
