Showing up smarter

Know when to volunteer, know when to walk away and know when to run

I was on a faculty committee to redesign an MBA program when I read that women are more likely to volunteer for non-promotable tasks. [Things that don’t further their careers, like taking notes or colleague birthday cards.] During our next committee meeting I brought up this study, and explained that I didn’t think either of the women should take notes, but one of the four tenured male faculty members should. Faced with this information, surely the men would agree that they didn’t need promotion, as full professors, and it was time to encourage the women to grow. All four flat out refused, one even laughed. The other woman took the notes.

An unnamed university with sexist MBA faculty but great foliage.

I just started reading The No Club. [next up, Jami Attenberg’s A Reason to See You Again]. The research shows that women do more, volunteer more and are voluntold more for NPTs. It is not, in fact, that women are better at these tasks, like them more, or are somehow so altruistic that they’d rather help the group than themselves. It is that they are expected to do it. “In a mixed-gender group, we - men and women alike - expect women to do the undesirable tasks.” I am reminded of going to Shabbat dinner at my ex’s parents house - the women cleaned up and the men sat. I was having none of that so I ordered the boy cousin [about 14?] off his ass and into the kitchen and the family was stunned that the prodigal son would work. When given the choice of my wrath or his family’s sexism, Dylan was smart enough to get into the kitchen. He’ll be better for it.

I used to make work playlists at UNC. While I was planning our immersion in Johannesburg, it was a lot of Toto on repeat. New York was obviously Taylor and Liza. I had a special one for students who would ask for crazy things. After I hung up and proceeded to whatever magic had to be wrought, I turned on Meghan Trainor’s No, so the office would know we had a good one! Playing “No” had no effect on whether or not I made the magic - it was made. It was fun to imagine declining though.

Jo’burg immersion, 2017. A wee friend, actually this close.

So how do you know what to agree to and what to Meghan Trainor? Once again, Alison Fragale comes to the rescue in Likeable Badass. I like a system, so asking these three simple questions is perfect for me.

1. Am I uniquely qualified to contribute? If you want to know anything about Japan, I’m your person. I’ll show up and be a badass any day of the week. [seriously, if you want my Japan tips, let me know!]. If you want artistic PPT slides, call someone else, please.

2. Will it bring joy to my life? This is where more of us should focus, frankly. Someone should still take the notes at the meeting, but believe it or not, there are people who like that. They show up with colored pens or a Remarkable tablet and go to town. Now, if you want me to emcee an event, PLEASE call me. I officiated my friends’ wedding too - I’m flexible. Being called up on stage is a delight for me - others would rather stop breathing.

3. Who will I meet? This is your chance to expand your other-promoter network, as Alison calls it. I have a friend at a financial firm who plans the dinners for office visits. She loves organizing things, is extremely good at sourcing information and is seen as an absolute rockstar by the C suite. Great way to get your other promoter network to include the COO. [My recommendation of Pretty Cool ice cream at her Chicago social didn’t hurt.

   

   Cucumber-lime and goat cheese-blackberry Pretty Cool in a Very Cool car.

I don’t think we think enough about the other-promoter. Or when we do, it’s seen as somewhat mercenary - you are agreeing to something because it might benefit you. Look, if you are volunteering because it’s expected and you’re a woman in a mixed gender group, that’s not noble.

I belong to a bougie club in Chicago. I have a friend there who is thinking about launching a CPG (consumer packaged goods] product in her spare time. To be clear, she is very successful in finance, this is a side “fun” gig. I also know a woman in her 20s who launched a food CPG product last year - and has been hustling ever since. I reached out to her and asked if she had 15 minutes to talk to my friend from the club. She said sure - how about next month?

Now, there is nothing wrong with guarding your time. But, imagine if she had reflected upon Alison’s three questions, through the eyes of a hustling small business owner.

• Uniquely qualified - Check.

• Fun - don’t know. Maybe?

• Who will I meet? This is a huge missed opportunity. Remember, I belong to a bougie clus. Bougie = can afford food experiences. One of my favorite games at this club is checking out the valet’d cars. My favorite is the orange Bentley convertible. This 15 minute call could have opened up an entirely new market for her.

My question now is, do I tell her? I wasn’t testing her, for sure. It just didn’t occur to me to spell out the benefits to her of doing me this favor. I do know, however, if she learns this now, she can change her entire career trajectory.